The Unaffectionate Mom

I am not an affectionate person. I've never really been one.

The only time I am ever really affectionate is towards babies. I mean, who isn't? They're just so stinkin' cute. I can honestly say I don't remember my mother being affectionate towards us (my older brother and younger sister). My father on the other hand was. He always hugged us, kissed us, told us he loved us. But it definitely wasn't something my mother did. I don't and never did have any doubts about her loving us. But she wasn't hugged, kissed and loved on by her mother either.

But because we lived with ma (almost everybody from NY calls their mother ma) the majority of the time, we didn't get a chance to get used to all of the affection dad gave us. Even when we decided we anted to go live with him for a while in Virginia; we were there for 2 years and I remember wiping his kisses off of my cheek lol.

My father is my best friend. I don't think it's a secret that I am his favorite. I think that's the first time I admitted it. But anyway, I believe the lack of affection is due to me not receiving it from my mother. I didn't realize it until I had kids of my own. I only remember being affectionate towards my daughter up until she was about 5 years old. I ended up finding out that my sister is the same way. She has 4 boys. She said after a certain age, for her; it becomes awkward. And well, I feel the same exact way.

I didn't know if I should feel better about knowing it's not just me. Or feel bad that I am kind of neglecting my daughter's physical needs. She's 12 years old now. What's going to happen when in a few years when my son is 5 years or older? Will I stop hugging an kissing him? I don't want to. And it's not like I planned on NOT hugging and kissing my daughter. It kind of just happened.

This is something I know I need to work on in general. Not just when it comes to my kids.